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Family and Friends is my everyday journal. Captain's Log is where I pontificate on religion and politics.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

America Junior High

America Junior High

The worst year of my life was 7th grade. My parents didn’t have much money and we lived on the South side of America Junior High. We lived about a half mile from school and I had to walk to and from every day. Walking to school made you a nobody. The kids whose parents were worse off than us lived farther away so they rode the bus to school. They were speds. Not being very bright and having little money they slept in class or threw temper tantrums and were constantly being sent to detention. They did make good jocks and played on the Football and Basketball teams. The girls if they were pretty could catch the eye of the upper classmen and get an older boyfriend who would drive them to school so they didn’t have to ride the bus.

On the North side of school were huge mansions. They were very close to the school, but those students thought it beneath them to walk. They were driven to school by their mothers or chauffer in new shiny cars or limos.

The class that was most horrible that year was Rupert Murdock’s English class. I sat in the center of the room. No matter how hard I worked in that class it was never good enough. Every test and paper came back a D-; just enough to pass, but nothing more. It was hard knowing that the work I turned in was every bit as good as the kids who sat on the right or left of the class and they got A’s. Those of us who sat in the center were lucky if we received a C.

On the left side were the nerds and brains. In the front chairs sat the smartest guy in the class, Barack Obama an African American student who was always friendly, even though he rode the bus he wasn’t a sped. He was the smartest guy in the school; 7th grade class president and everyone knew he’d someday be valedictorian and student body president. He’d talk about trying to improve the school and was real good about defining the problems. There was a girl named Hillary Clinton who was nearly as smart as Barack. Her boyfriend was Bill Clinton, a 9th grader who was student body president. She would smile and act like she was concerned about everyone. If you were in the library studying she’d come by and say hi, maybe help you with your homework, but that wasn’t very often she spent lots of time with her boyfriend.. You could tell she didn’t like Barack as they competed for the highest grade in class and he seemed to always get the better scores. Another guy who sat in the back of the room on the left side was Ralph Nader. He was smart, knew he was smart and disdained anyone who he thought wasn’t as bright as him. He had a few friends that came to class with brief cases, wore pocket protectors and had scientific calculators dangling from their belts.

The right side of the class was dominated by the Queen. Sarah Palin was the prettiest girl in the 7th grade. She didn’t need a boyfriend. All she had to do was bat her pretty eyelashes and someone would buy her lunch or drive her to school or Mr Murdock would give her an A on a paper that didn’t have a single word spelled correctly or even make sense.

Queen Palin kept a court who followed her every move. She hated Hillary Clinton because Hillary could earn a good grade so she had her toadies Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck call Hillary nasty names. Make fun of her weight, laugh at her clothes or hair style. If Queen Palin wanted money for make-up, or clothes or lunch or to have her hair done she’d whisper something to her trolls, Banker, Credit Card, CEO and they’d give it to her. The trolls lived on the North side, came to school in chauffeured limos, always dressed in style, had their hair perfect and nails polished, but if Queen Palin needed money they’d never take it out of their own pocket. They’d roam the halls and take the nobody's lunch money. If you brown bagged it they’d grab your lunch eat the apple or banana in front of you, take a bit out of your bologna sandwich and throw the rest in the trash. They’d always have a couple of jocks with them to beat you up if you resisted their theft, and the school not only didn’t mind but encouraged them, after all their Daddy’s gave generously to the booster club.

One warm sunny fall day during lunch I was with friends and we were running having a good time. The school bully Big Pharma couldn’t stand the fact that a nobody would actually be happy. He ran up to me and kicked me in the groin.. I was in agony rolling on the ground tears streaming down my cheeks as I heard him laugh. I saw Hillary Clinton start walking over to me, but Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly started calling her a bleeding heart, and that only someone who was fat and ugly would be interested in helping the nobody’s that walked to school. Nurse Health Insurance came out, but because Banker and Credit Card had stolen all my lunch money she walked away leaving me to get up and make it back to class with only the consolation that the pain was temporary and Big Pharma hadn’t killed me. As I limped into class I heard Barack say loudly that something needs to be done about the bully’s hurting the nobody’s and speds at the school and that he would ask the student council to pass a resolution on student safety.

Principle George W. Bush then came over the intercom to announce that there were two important games coming up between Iraq and Afhanistan junior highs and that Coaches Petraeus and McChrystal were needing more students to come out for the football and basketball teams. Then he added that the teams would need new uniforms and transportation costs and equipment; money that the school didn’t have so there would be a huge fundraising effort. If you didn’t support our fine brave athletes with your money then you weren’t really a good American Junior High Student. The school councilor Mike Huckabee then followed by leading us all in a prayer that our teams would win and make us all proud.

Queen Palin came in the next day with a fundraising brochure that had all kinds of nice products. It was the only time she ever noticed those of us in the center. She smiled, or at least her lips curled up, the eyes said she wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. Banker and CEO were at her side to make sure everyone bought something from the brochure. Credit Card didn’t come to school that day so we all had our lunch money. I bought a tin of popcorn and was told that all the items we ordered would be delivered in three weeks. A week later Principle Bush thanked all of us for contributing and supporting our wonderful football and basketball teams, but that the company we ordered products from had declared bankruptcy and unfortunately none of our orders would be coming in.

Those sitting on the left side of the class naturally had strong words to say about this problem. Ralph Nader, who had refused to buy any of the products denounced all athletics in general and insisted if we’d all become vegetarians that nothing like this would have happened in the first place.

Hillary told everyone not to blame her boyfriend Bill, because the school year was almost over and this was all Principle Bush's fault.

Barack spoke eloquently about how Principle Bush should have known that this company was run by crooks...

Banker started yelling at Barack because his Daddy’s company was the one that went bankrupt. This caused Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck to join in and for the rest of the school year all the todies could do nothing but scream and yell obscenities at Barack and Hillary and Bill and all those who sat on the left side of class.

Mr. Murdock smiled and congratulated the left and right side of the class for making his class have such a lively debate and scowled at us in the center for not having anything to say on the matter, not that he would ever call on us if we did raise our hands to speak.

Principle Bush announced later that in the football game against Iraq we were winning, but that a number of our best athletes had been injured and more speds needed to see coach Petraeus. The Basketball game against Afghanistan was still too close to call and Coach McChrystal was in desperate need of more speds. All of us good American Junior High students still need to support our brave and loyal athletes so we can win these games and in order to do so was doubling the lab fees for the nobody's and speds.

The next year Bill Clinton graduated and was seen no more. Barack and Hillary were elected student body president and class secretary enraging Queen Palin who wanted to be class secretary and John McCain, the guy she could lead around by the nose, to be president. She let loose her toadies Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly to keep calling those on the left every evil thing they could think of. The school walls were plastered with graffiti blaming Barack and Hillary for everything from earthquakes and tornados to Dutch elm disease. Posters were hung showing Hillary being burned as a witch and Barack’s face on a dog. Principle Bush retired and Mr. Murdock became head master. Every day after chief councilor Huckabee gave the morning prayer Principle Murdock would praise Queen Palin, her bullies, toadies and trolls for making the school such an interesting place for our educational experience.


cooper said...

Hi Prescott. Great job on American Jr High. Funny and poignant.

Spelling correction (you can edit this out or delete it from comments once fixed). The very last sentence says "making the school such and interesting place for our educational experience" the word "and" should be "an" - I think. Best, Cooper

P M Prescott said...

Thanks for catching my typo. That's a pretty kitty on your avatar.

Unknown said...

I walked to Grade School.

P M Prescott said...

So did I.