A Long Time Ago...

When I was 14 I made a friend that my parents didn't exactly approve of. He lived down the street. He was in 7th grade and I was in 8th. He was a bad influence on me. He got me smoking. We were going to a very fundamentalist church at the time. The preacher didn't think Christians should go to movies, watch TV other than Dallas Cowboy Football, and the usual no smoking, drinking, premarital sex, playing cards, dominoes...
In the fall only 9th graders played football so there wasn't anything to do after school until basketball started up in November. M and I sometimes with someone else would go to his house until I knew Mom would get home from work. I'd bang around on his drum set and we'd smoke. During lunch there was a vacant house with a back yard bordering the school. We'd jump the wall and smoke. Mom's reading this so I won't tell anyone how we got the cigarettes. We got caught and were suspended from school for three days. Mom was not pleased. I had to read John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress and write a report. She had some other punishments for those three days.
What this did was give me an out from smoking. I really didn't like it. Every time I'd light up I'd look over my shoulder to see if someone was around that would tell my parents and I knew God wasn't pleased.
I could then tell M that I wouldn't smoke anymore. He stopped having anything to do with me and I wasn't all that upset about it.
We had little contact the rest of that year or the next. I didn't play basketball that year, but made varsity in track. I went on over the years to be state champion in the mile, get a track scholarship to college and so on.
A few months ago when we joined a house church pastored by the man I currently do legal assistant work with. M and his wife are also members of this church. He and S (the pastor) worked in a prison ministry. I don't know all the details how M came to find tthe Lord, but it's been nice to meet again. The problem is that his is dying from the forty plus years of smoking and won't quit. It's sad for his wife to come alone to church because he's too sick to get out of bed and see her tears knowing he doesn't have much time.
To a certain extent his story could be mine if I didn't have parents who cared and a faith to help me overcome peer pressure at that time.

Happiness or Nothingness

Dimitri Hamlin, an ontalogical anarchist, wrote a piece in the Huffpo. Arianna Huffington even suggested to him the title of the piece: Is That All There Is?
This is his conclusion:

Nothing is the positive yet indeterminate impression on the horizon, just before becoming something definite. It is nothing and it is not-nothing. Together with the present, it is the future and it is the past. It is the pure potential and freedom to experience -- the initial "I can" of intentional consciousness that provides for my participation and correspondence with wonder.
I think the world is interesting because I actually care about the possibility of nothing.
Singing, "Is that all?" the chorus calls for us to recognize the continually conspicuous presence of an absence. Disappointment is not so much the problem now if we believe in nothing; because nothing, by definition, actually exceeds all possible expectation: "wherefore it is right that What Is be not unfulfilled; for it is not lacking: if it were, it would lack everything." (Parmenides, fr. 8.33) I think that sometimes we mistake things for their absence and for this, in the end I trust, there will always be more to say about nothing.

Maybe Queen said what he's trying to say better in Bohemian Rhapsody: "Nothing really matters, nothing really matters at all."

Interesting ideas, even compelling to many, but there is nothing more like Hell on Earth that a state of anarchy. Anarchic societies are fear zones. Women must be protected at all costs or they will be kidnapped or raped or sold into slavery. They can't leave the house without protection or being covered from head to foot so no one knows what they look like, their shape or age. Men walk around carrying machine guns ready to shoot at anyone who looks funny at them. Homes are forts built for protection. There is only the law of the gun. But what the hell, there will always be something to say about nothing, because nothing really matters.

Compare this to "Persuit of Happiness."
Definition here: Happiness as meant by Greek thought and used by Thomas Jefferson means contentment, fulfillment, completeness, not just having a good time.
This is closer to Maslow's top on the pyramid: Self Actualization
Happiness is something, not nothing. Happiness is something to strive for, work for, appreciate what you've done, learn from your mistakes, regret the harm you've done to others.
To look back and see that you did SOMETHING in and with your life. You loved a woman or many, you had the joy and despair of being a parent, you worked not just for money to live on, but your labor mattered, you were part of manufacturing products, repaired stuff, grew and harvested plants, nursed the ill, taught children, raised children, kept a clean house, bounced grandchildren on your knee before your knee replacement.
When you have done SOMETHING with your life there is accomplishment, pride, fulfillment, sorrow, pain, regret, completeness, contentment: HAPPINESS.
All of these are emotions some are even opposites, you've loved and hated sometimes the same person at the same time, your feeling good, you feel sorrow, anger, laughter. When you do something you feel something. You feel.

The only emotion anarchy satisfies is greed, selfishness, fear and numbness concerning others. A great philosophy for serial killers, rapists, theives, drug dealers, corporations. Whenever this philosophy is prevalent society is ruled by tyrants, dictators, secret police, and fear.

Golfing again

Got wifey out to play Friday, we did all 18 holes and had fun. We went to play again today, but the course had a tournament. Not often I can talk her into playing that often.

Pleasant Surprise

Finally got the bill from the hospital for wife's gall bladder surgery. PPO dismissed most of the bill, paid a good portion and it looks like we'll be able to pay it off in one year. A little belt tightening but not nearly as bad as we feared. Flex account has covered all the other bills.
Now cross fingers that we remain healthy for the next few years.

Magic Kindle

I have a magic kindle. Whenever I have to go to the doctor or take someone to the doctor and in the waiting room to be called, or am waiting for the wife to finish before we can leave, or just about anytime I'm waiting for someone else all I have to do is take out my kindle and start reading and magically they show up before I can get one page read.

Matthew Iglesias has an interesting post concerning file sharing of e-books. Kind of like file sharing of music a few years back. Most e-book readers like Kindle or Nook are specific, but many e-books are PDF's and can be easily downloaded onto other computers or readers. He's really upset about file sharing books in the public domain, his example: Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin.  I wonder if you can get it free from Amazon or Barne's & Nobles, or get it free by getting it e-mailed to you by a friend, what's the difference? It's public domain!
Here's my beef. I went to Amazon and checked my book. Optimus: Praetorian Guard. They still haven't dropped the kindle price down to $7.99 to match the price now set by Publish America. But if you look at the NEW books offered by different book sellers the price ranges from $8.99 to a whopping 874.25. Most in the 30-40 range. Here's my question. These are new books which should only be sold new by Publish America or through their distributors to book stores where the sales should generate my royalties, or by me after I buy them from Publish America and sell them at a book signing. HOW CAN THESE BOOKS SELLERS GET NEW COPIES OF MY BOOK AND SELL THEM WITHOUT PAYING ME A ROYALTY?
I can understant the used books offered, but if the books are new I should be getting my cut for my work and my copyright.

Busy busy busy

Took a "tag you're it" trip to Santa Fe. Had to hand deliver a letter to someone concerning a case Attorney X is working on. Here's a tip, never trust a google map. Had to buy a map at a gas station to find the place.
I've been running ragged taking papers out to Rio Rancho's courthouse. Twenty miles out and another 20 back. Air conditioner works good in the car, but the heat still gets to you. It's nice going into a quaint little courthouse that's not filled with people hustling and bustling. I just hate the drive.
I don't know what got into me on the last story I published. Normally I write R rated stuff to add a little spice, but the characters in this story were a lot randier than normal. It seems to be getting a lot more hits on smashwords than my more tame stories. Perhaps there's a lesson to be learned.
Publish America has lowered the price of the softcover of Optimus: Praetorian Guard from $27.95 to $12.95. There's still the PAper back for $9.99, and they lowered the e-book price down to $7.95. Amazon last time I checked had the kindle edition still at the 27 buck price tag, but it should be coming down soon. I expect PA will hike the prices back up after the first of the year, so if you don't own a copy and want one, now is the time to buy.

Perk starting to pay off

Volunteering at a golf course is starting to have its benefits. Had a nice round of golf Tuesday and today got wife out for nine holes.

Saw a rabbit take off running and a red tailed hawk swoop down from a tree. The rabbit dropped in a hole and the hawk sailed to another tree not missing a beat. Nature is awesome some times.

Exhausted

Wife's work had a retreat and we stayed at a local hotel for two nights. Nice room, had the pool all to ourselves Friday afternoon while everyone else went shopping. Banquets Thurs & Friday nights and on Friday morning seminars. Banquet rooms need better chairs. Sitting through the presentation over three days in those chairs is nearly deadly.
The couple that presented had good skits and a well needed message. Friday night we saw the movie Courageous from Sherwood Baptist Church that did Fireproof. It will have a theatrical release in September. It's an excellent movie with lots of humor to break up the more serious parts.
Dropped the wife off Sat morning and did 5 hours as a marshall on the golf course. Strip club had a tournament, but it was more about a bunch of guys with a girl or two seeing how much beer they could guzzle. Course made a mint on the booze.
Came home took a quick shower and we went to the Isotopes game which had a fireworks night. 'Topes were up 20-7 at the end of the 4th inning. The only thing that kept the crowd there was the fireworks. We only go to the Isotopes once or twice a summer. Before they built the new stadium and when the kids were little going to the Dukes was a cheap form of entertainment. You could park in the outfield for little money and tailgate. They had family night coupons and you could take in your own cooler and parking was free.
Now it's 5 bucks to park, you have to buy drinks and food there, tickets are still fairly reasonable, but the whole experience is not the bargain it was with the Dukes.
Needless to say I spent most of today napping trying to recover. I have to marshall for 5 hours again tomorrow. What I have to do for free golf, only after putting in the hours as a marshall I haven't had the time to get out there and golf for free.

A good trip

Took a trip with the churc to Elephant Butte Lake over the weekend. If you stretch your imagination that butte does look like an elephant.

A good time was had by all. The lake is really low, but that didn't stop lots of people from ski-doing, fishing, skiing and swimming.

Campers next to where the friend with the boat were next to caught a 20 pound bass with thier skido. They hit it and pulled it up with their hands as it bobbed up and down stunned. An interesting way to catch dinner.

To the lake

Member of our church has a boat that can hold twelve people so we're going to hold church services on a lake this Sunday. It's a house church and twelve is the normal attendance. Wife is feeling good enough to go. She's been working the last two days and is getting stronger. It should be fun.

Getting Back To Normal

We had a pretty busy weekend. Took wife and daughter to see Harry Potter and a nice lunch at Fudruckers and we went to church yesterday. Wife is starting to walk more and can stay up longer as long as the painkillers are working. She has a tendency to wait too long before taking them and they take longer to kick in.
She's going to work tomorrow half time and we'll see if she's up to going back on Wednesday.
I want to thank all who have offered their prayers and special thoughts through this time in our lives.

Slow going

Wife feels good one day, get up and walks around the house, sits in the living room and the next day she's exhausted and has trouble getting out of bed. The doctor said she'd have good days and bad days and she is. The progress is slow, but healing is happening and there should be more good days than bad days coming up.
Convention got together some meals for us and our freezer is full. Many thanks to those who shared their generosity with us.

Slow Recovery

Wife is home and she's feeling better today than yesterday. It's going to be a challenge for me to keep her from trying to do too much. She doesn't like lying in bed with nothing to do. She's doing word searches, working on her plastic canvas and we started watching all the Beauty and The Beast tv episodes on the Wii.

All's Well

Surgery went well, did lapro so she should be home tomorrow.

Delayed

Surgeon couldn't fit wife's in to the schedule today, she'll have surgery in the morning. If he can do laproscopic her recovery time will be much quicker. The extra day of antibiotics should help. She was feeling much better and needed the pain meds less than yesterday.

It May Be Dry Here, But For Me It's Raining.

Yesterday our van's transmission died, son found a car from a friend on the cheap so he has a ride to work. The van will have to sit until hell freezes over or I find a few thousand dollars to fix it.
Wife had heartburn all last night and nothing helped. It got worse and I took her to the emergency room. EKG was fine so they did an ultrasound and found gall stones. They admitted her and she's talking to a surgeon in the morning. Insurance is good, but the 20% it doesn't pay has me scared. Daughter's hospital stay last year forced me into bankruptcy and retirement. Not much of a safety net left.

Poetry

I'm posting the poems of Mary Prescott at my Captain's Log blog.

Beaulah Colorado

Blogger friend and fellow curmudgeon One Fly posted that Michael Martin Murphey donated the easement on 120 acres in Beaulah, Co to the consevancy district.
It's amazing what memories that brought back.
My maternal grandparents owned a small cabin in Beaulah. The road curved around a hill and there was a bridge over a small creek. The pink stucco cabin was on the inside of the curve. It had a large main room with couch, chairs and book shelves on the wall on one side and on the other was a sink, wood burning stove, table and chairs. There was a bedroom past that and the back door. Behind and a ways off was an outhouse. It did have electricity. The book shelves were full of reader's digest, coronet and national geographic magazines, misc. books and lots of reader's digest condensed books. When you went there it was for peace, quiet and reading. Lake Isabel is not far away and lots of times we'd spend the night at the cabin and go fishing at the lake.
Between the cabin and the creek were willow trees. Grandpa had some long butcher knives and gave one to Bruce and one to me. We attacked those poor willows and made bows & arrows. The willow branches were too flexible to make much of a bow and the arrows never sailed very far. On the other side of the road was a hill with a flag on top. We would always have to climb the mountain (when your 7 years old just about anything is a mountain) and reach the flag.
We lived in Pueblo then and it was only a forty five minute drive to get away from the heat of town and relax for a weekend. Grandpa's brother, Frank, lived in a beat up trailer there for a few years and we (Bruce and I) would hike up to his trailer to say hi whenever we were there. Frank was moved out of his trailer and put in a retired journalists home in Colorado Springs. Mom took us to visit him once before he died.
A rancher there would rent out horses for riding and I remember Dad would have Bruce in front of him and I'd be in front of Mom as we went horse back riding. It was a big deal when they let Bruce ride alone. We moved down to Albuquerque before they thought I was big enough for that priveledge.
Perhaps the singular memory of Beaulah was a labor day weekend. We drove up on Friday night in the rain. The plan was to go fishing on Saturday and Sunday at Lake Isabel. Mom woke up and started trying to make a fire in the wood burning stove, but filled the cabin up with smoke. Dad got up and looked out the window to see four inches of snow on the ground and it was still coming down.
We ate breakfast and as there wasn't much else to do while hoping the snow would let up and perhaps we could get some fishing in on Sunday we sat around the wood burning stove. Either Mom or Dad chose a book named Pioneer Go Home by Richard P. Powell. They took turnes reading it aloud. Around noon the wood was giving out and Dad went out to get more coming back with a bucket of coal. By late afternoon they decided the fishing trip was a bust and we went back home.
This event was burned onto all our memories particularly that book. By chance we found it was made into a movie but renamed Follow That Dream starring Elvis Presley.
We moved down here. The Record Music Company in Pueblo fell victim to discount stores and Grandpa sold the building and the cabin. When Mom and Dad went back for class reunions they found that the cabin had been leveled, cleaned up and restricted for habitation not to contaminate the stream. My fondest memories before the age of ten are about Beaulah.

poetry

I came across a book of poems from this lady and found I like them. Thought I'd share some.

Mary Newmarch Prescott, American author and sister of Harriet Prescott Spofford, was born in Calais, Maine, August 2, 1849, the daughter of Joseph Prescott and his wife Sarah Bridges. Her parents removed to Derry and afterwards to Newburyport, Massachusetts. Mary was educated chiefly at home by her mother and sister. Her first story was written as a school composition, but was sent to Harper's Magazine and accepted. After that she wrote many poems and short stories which were published in various magazines. She died at the home of her sister, Mrs. Spofford, at Deer Island, Amesbury, Maine, June 14, 1888.

POEMS

MARY NEWMARCH PRESCOTT

OVER A GRAVE

Though underneath the silent clod

Thy body rests—thy soul with God

Doth mount on wings of prayer and praise

To swell the measure of thy days.

Even though the grass is tall and green,

That grows thy heart and mine between.

Even though thy face be hid from me.

My Father's will I clearly see.