It sold millions and John Gray went on to write numerous other books on the subject. This one changed my marriage and led to a happier home climate.
The first mention of the book I heard of it was at a teacher's meeting. A guest speaker was a family court judge, and she was trying to explain to us teachers how to respond to students when their family situation was in turmoil.
The fact is that all the years I taught many of my colleagues went through divorces and the turmoil in their lives and how it affected their teaching.
I went to the bookstore, and it was only in hardback and thirty dollars. I passed.
When I bought the book, it was because I started teaching Sociology and Psychology, taking the course over because I was department chair and the outgoing dept. chair retired.
I was teaching straight world history and after going over the same thing five times a day for three years I was putting myself to sleep. Repeating is not teaching. I was worried about the subject matters, but it rejuvenated my teaching.
The only courses I had in psych and sociology, was in college over twenty years earlier. I was scrambling to learn the subject matter and there was a chapter on marriage, children, divorce in the sociology book. In psychology there were chapters on aging, and it included the adult years of marriage and parenting.
I read the first chapter and was impressed. He diagnosed every argument my wife and I had for years.
I read the chapter to my wife, and she read the next chapter to me, and we alternated through the book.
It was a game changer in our marriage. It didn't happen overnight, and we still have disagreements, but our marriage has been much happier ever since. I understood that when my wife came home from rush hour traffic, she was stressed. I headed off the argument by asking her to tell me about her day, that way she could vent about the problems in the office and driving without setting her sights on me.
I made out an outline of the book and while I was reading the book to the students, school wouldn't spring for a classroom set, we then would discuss the thoughts. It made for the liveliest discussions for the whole semester. Word got out about using the book and my enrollment in the classes grew.
With my wife and all the girls in my classes they agreed with what he said about how men should listen and not try to fix what they were complaining about.
When it came to what was said about how women need to be less critical of their husbands and understand them and their need to go into their cave until they had a solution to the problems, it was always met with skepticism and derision.
Men should listen to their problems and be supportive, but not being critical of what men were facing and how they found a solution to their problems. Criticism doesn't help!
They were glad that the book explained to men how to understand them, but not so much about understanding men. They all felt that understanding the male ego was that men were babies.
I miss teaching those classes and the one on street law. They kept me on my toes, and I enjoyed teaching world, U.S. and New Mexico history more. I never liked teaching economics.
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